The Tide

story i wrote

Characters – Gustav, Georg, Bill, Tom (Tokio Hotel)
Warning - some gayness and incest lol and death
Note – Inspired by a song called, The Tide by, Spill Canvas.

The Tide

And there’s four, count ’em four, children breathing on the beach. They were eager to learn to be taught and to teach. Hoping they will learn new facts regarding to life.

There’s Gustav, the shy one. He’s sitting on the even ginger sand looking at the horizon where the sky meets the thin line of the ocean; while the sun is going down calling the stars to reveal their intention. The waves of the ocean gradually move toward him almost seem eager for it to come and drive him away into the deep, until he could no longer feel the sand underneath his feet. He opens his mouth, no sound came out, just the breaths in his lungs exit his lips. Oh, how many people grieve for his appealing voice. No one can’t remember when they heard such a thing. Too long, too long to remember when. His chest is in pain, he’s not able to speak it out loud, and tell the world what’s bothering within. It stayed very close to his fragile heart, the sorrow, very close, able to destroy him from this mixture of emotions. The quiet one isn’t so easy after all.

There’s Georg, the anonymous one. He’s running between the sand and the ocean with a slight smile on the corner of his cherry delicate lips. Something he hasn’t shown in the face of the world for as long as he can remember. In love with the company of the cool salty wind pass his nostrils, how the air seems to lift his body up in the blend of red, yellow/orange sky when it goes into his body. The colliding of the sand meets up to his ankles, the sinking of his being through the teeny pebbles whenever the pressure is taken down on the path he’s taken. His thin long brunette hair, similar to his mother dances violently as he dashes toward nowhere. He loved for this, he does. No other great experience he went through in the past can compare on what he’s feeling right at this moment. He felt, calm, for once, the silence connecting his body and mind, and the world. Only his blood rushing through his veins and the blasting rhythm of his heart are the only factor he could feel. Having his problems blocked by a brick wall he developed in his view, not controlling over him any longer. But nothing is perfect. Somehow it can find its way through a flawed and out the blockade, along with its wicked friends ready to destroy. He closes his eyes. Enjoying this stillness each second, until, it’s over.

There’s Bill, the beautiful one. He’s standing among the oceans, head down, staring at his unclear reflection in the blue sinister water on a dim source of light coming to an end every minute. The wave’s meets his knees as it came near him, shivering by the temperature of the chilling water it drive him through. Every hair on his body stood awake, each cells and nerves, every one of his outer surface on him stood alert when the cool breath of the enormous water encounter with his flesh. It’s trying to wake him from this false opinion he’s developing in his mind and helping him way through the path of reality, the truth. But his soul inside stayed numb, deadened, like someone has taken great control over him; stirring away the real human being his mother always knew, ever since. “Why can’t I beautiful?”

Lastly, there’s Tom, the confuse one. He’s sitting beside Gustav caressing the sand as it glides between his callous fingers wondering in the name of galaxy, what love is. Moving his palm slowly on the sand, like a swaying boat stranded nowhere but in the middle of the depth of the sea. He feels the same way he thought, comparing his life, being left alone on the boat no one there, but the waiting creatures underneath swimming around the craft ready to overpower him. He feels the same way he thought, Lost. With a soft, calm voice, not overpowering the sound of the waves hitting their boundaries of sea and land, Tom asks, “What is love Gustav? Please tell me what love is.”

Their mother whispers quietly…

“Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die. It’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive. So live for the moment, and take this advice, live by every word. Forget your doubts and forget everything that you have heard, and live for the moment now.”

But the sad thing is Gustav will stop breathing to this day. The problems that weren’t said overwhelmed him, the emotions that filled his life from the age twelve have just been piled, and piles’, waiting until the final point, the point where he couldn’t bear the weight of his sorrow any longer. The aches whenever he has to take in air, the pain of his misery he has to endure whenever he opens his eyes. His soul grows weaker day by day. It’s like cancer eating him away, without any communication to stop this dilemma; they continue to duplicate their being and eat their prey faster and quicker, until there’s no more to torture. There’s nothing left in Gustav, his real qualities are gone, and now it’s covered with grief. It came to that end when he couldn’t take it any more. The throbbing of his troubling heart begins to count the numbers of his last pounding beat inside his chest. Then the spirit of the ocean has taken him away; they showed mercy on him, at last.

And there’s three, count ’em three, children breathing on the beach. They were eager to learn to be taught and to teach. Hoping they will learn new facts regarding to life.

There’s Georg, the unknowable one. He opened his eyes while still running on the sand able to feel the cool water and wind come up to him every now and then. He looks to his left, pointing to the sun going down the horizon, wondering why it is so bright and clear each time. He hopes one day in his life it would be clear like the sun shinning in his gaze forever more, blinding the problems that draws near him. Still looking to his left, not noticing anything around him, this is also why he bumps into a girl going on the opposite direction of him. She lost her balance form the crash, from both of them running with all their might. He immediately went back to reality and moved away from the shining sun and saw a girl on the sand, lying on her back completely stunned. His next action is somewhat a habit of his. He lends the girl his hand and said his apologies from his unwariness and the young woman have no choice but to forgive the young man for it’s only a sudden accident. As she got back on her feet and set her eyes upon Gustav almost to give out her appreciation and excuse back to him; her clear-cut brown eyes stayed steady to something impressive that only belongs to him. She was in awe. Never saw such a thing; an impressive multi color of mercurial eyes, full of mystery, enigmatic. His silver eyes are all she sees, shining at her for her only to admire. She wouldn’t let him run off without thinking highly of the color of his eyes a little longer. Staring deep into his soul is the only door to define who he really is she considered, she wants to get to know him and hope for the prospect. She said her invitation to a bar close by, and what Gustav should do, but to grant her wish for his apology from the accident earlier. She thought he was untroubled, free from the sadness, unlimited boundaries and live life to the fullest, just like her, but what she expects from him is completely the opposite.

There’s Bill, the gorgeous one, but he doesn’t think that. He impatiently waits for the water to come to him and see his reflection given by the ocean. He doesn’t see what everybody sees, a beautiful human being that put everybody under an unspeakable spell by his appealing look. But everything he notices in his eyes is a pathetic creature hoping to be more better looking. He hated the fact that he refuses to meet the world without smearing on his makeup with his long black hair blinding his eyes. He can’t remember the last time he saw his own eyes or the color of his skin. “Do you know what it’s like to feel ugly all the time?” he said to his own reflection with glaring eyes ready to destroy the image in font of him.

And lastly there’s Tom, the puzzled one. He’s sitting on the dock to himself since Gustav went away. The question was left unsaid. He did care about loosing his friend but a lot of things came in his mind and blocked the mourning of death of a love one. He wonders why he can’t find love in every woman in this world. Every girl is determined be in love with him but how come he can’t seem to love that girl back. He’s completely lost inside his skull. He looks back to the days when he was with this young woman he thinks he is in love with. The girl gave him her every soul, everything, but no matter how hard he tried to do the same, he failed miserably. And he can’t understand what love really is. He wonders what love is and how does it feel. Is it visible? Or is it not? He’s on his knees begging to endure this, what you call, love.

Their mother whispers quietly…

“Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die. It’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive. So live for the moment, and take this advice, live by every word. Forget your doubts and forget everything that you have heard, and live for the moment now.”

But the sad thing is Georg will stop breathing to this day. Everybody doesn’t recognize that he’s fighting a war to himself. The hoping of his father will return home, but he knows he’s not coming back. The life of his mother beginning to break, who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, his father. From all of these troubles he landed to a dreadful conclusion to running away home. Finally he could be free and run from this bad luck around… but he is tired of running now, exhausted from hiding. Although it’s too late now, he’s in the bar continually drinking his heart out. Over dosing alcohol and his body turned into a dreadful situation. Since the woman have no interest in him any more, from there she found another, he decided to leave this place and be alone. He grabs a couple of toxic drinks and decided to head back to the ocean where he belongs. He is now continually gulping down his drink while walking on the side of the sea as a short flashback of his sweet memories replayed in his mind when he was a little innocent child with his loving parents. They don’t mean anything any more, he feels they are just memories that torture him from the very first, craving for that warm feeling given by his mom and dad, but he knows he’ll never get it, never. Now he has one bottle in his hand, his last poison. With his eyes securely shut as a tear of sorrow escape from the corner of his eyes. He gulped everything down, non-stop, drowning himself with his last drink. He then collapsed on the sand being completely past out; his eyes never had a chance to open again as the tide swept him away to the deep ocean blue.

And there’s two, count ’em two, children breathing on the beach. They were eager to learn to be taught and to teach. Hoping they will learn new facts regarding to life.

There’s Bill, the lack of dignity one. He couldn’t take looking at himself any more, doesn’t want to look at the loathsome creature looking at him back. He couldn’t understand why he has to be the ugly one, he hated the jealousy he felt about his twin brother. Bill splashes the water beneath him wanting to destroy that image he hates staring at. All he wanted is to be beautiful like his twin Tom. That’s all he wanted.

And lastly there’s Tom, beginning to hope. He searches around the place to find a beautiful girl to maybe fall in love with. To perhaps the chance to feel what love is, for him his hoping. But every young woman walking on this flat form, he could not find one striking woman in his eyes. He sense every girl is the same and nothing stands out to him. He screamed out on the top of his lungs to scare away this confusion he can't bear and hoping this feeling will leave him behind. But it’s still there. What is love? This is a question with so many answers that leads to lost of mind. No high powered scholar, high paid by the hour, could come up with the answers to this complex question.

Their mother whispers quietly…

“Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die. It’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive. So live for the moment, and take this advice, live by every word. Forget your doubts and forget everything that you have heard, and live for the moment now.”

But the sad thing is Bill will stop breathing to this day. He stretches himself across the ocean pushing the final limit. It took him all this time to have the nerve to call out his weakness and drag him through the sea. He moves his legs walking directly to the ocean toward the sun going down the ocean line while the waves assist him pulling him into the deep. Maybe over there he may feel beautiful or maybe be beautiful on the other side. Every second, the ocean is taking his body far away from the coast, every second he could no longer to be seen.

And there’s one, count ’em one, a child still breathing on the beach. He was eager to learn to be taught and to teach. Hoping he will learn new facts regarding to life.

There’s Tom, about to find the answer to his problem. He looked to his right which points to the ocean near by. By then his eyes placed on a tall figure walking slowly toward the dim yellow sun going down. The person long black hair sways on the wind pushing it back away its face as the breeze hitting toward that stranger’s face. Tom dimly saw the side of this human being face and found that person beautiful. His eyes begin to glitter like a thousand diamonds when he set his eyes upon that stranger. His heart pounds like never before in his life time. He needs to meet this being right away before… “Why is that person heading to the ocean line?” he wonders. He gets up and immediately ran toward that stranger as fast as he can with mix of thoughts in his mind. While he was running and his heart beating inside his chest rapidly, the picture became slight clear, black hair, tall figure, features he can’t describe in words. He thinks it may be his twin brother, Bill, who he found beautiful. Still he wasn’t sure, he got a few feet away more to be clearly sure. He was still confused how he felt about his brother Bill, is it even right. When he starts to slow down the moving of his legs and reached the sand, he ran toward the waves but it was now too late. The black haird creature disappeared and he can no longer set his eyes upon that person. He struggles to think if it was really Bill, who he thinks is appealing to his eyes. He turned roughly, and looked around the shore to find his brother but he’s not in sight. It may be his brother, for it is his brother. Tom now considered he possibly fallen in love with his twin, but he is gone now. He question to him self, “Is this love? You can’t get enough of the person you look up to since you’re dieing to see that person once again. Will my troubles be at end if I follow him into the sea? Is love something one would die for? Is this love?” So to find these answers, he will go after he ponders his brother Bill to the ocean and find the respond to these questions. He walks with high hopes. And then the waves and the ocean swept him away, and drive Tom to his beautiful twin, Bill.

And there’s four, count ‘em four children missing from the beach. They were eager to learn, to be taught and to teach. Their mothers didn’t even notice, or pay much attention; as the tide came in and swept their children into the ocean. Now all her advice, it seems useless.

“Heaven’s not a place that you go when you die. It’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive. So live for the moment, and take this advice, live by every word. Forget your doubts and forget everything that you have heard, and live for the moment now.”

Been to long

Wow! I haven't wrote and visited this in a while. Well to sum up all things nothing happened extravigant in my life yet. School is starting tomorow. I'm more siked seeing my friends and i'm ready to meet new ones of course. And that it! Oh, I just woke up and my hair is extra flat today :) Okat byee I'm dieying for eggs so I'm going down to make one myself. Tootles.

Fast-forward

Is there any way to make time go a bit faster.

no. earase that.

Way Fast. I want to move out and live my own life.

A dog..

A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbols mean nothing to him. A water-logged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple, and yet we humans, so much weiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not.

-John Grogan

Marley & Me by John Grogan

I finished the book yesterday and went to bed at 4am because I could not stop reading. I've finished the book in 2 days and I don't do that much often! I LOVE this book and I will somehow spread the word about it! I know from the start I will remember evey tale John Grogan wrote about Marley and his family, it's really heart warming. Sheds some tears in the middle of the night.

John convinced me to convince my mom to get another dog that's bad behaving, because bad dog turnes into great dog in the end *thums up*. I do still love my little 3 year old pomeranian-poodle but she's the oposite of Marley ;)

Overall this book taught me alot of things and made me think about life diferently and how to live it like it's your last. I want to say,

Special thanks to John and Marley, and his family

C A R S

Imagine the labour hours to build them...
Imagine the resources..
Imagine the buyers standing in line to buy them...
Imagine the profits...
Imagine the fuel needed to run them...
Imagine the pollution...

Tokio Hotel review 8.7.08

I just got back home from the Tokio Hotel concert in Sayreville NJ and right now my ears are in a bad condition from Tom's guitar riffs and Georg beastly drums. To add to my nagging my voice is crack like a boy just hit their puberty and it hurts when I talk because singing along with Bill on the top of my lungs, and mostly I’m incredibly exhausted. I have to say that that was the most brutal, vicious, painful Tokio Hotel concert I’ve ever been too, hands down, but it was kind of worth it…. I think. I decide to make a review about what happened to me while I was there so whenever I want to look back to this day I’ve got something to read for a memembrance and to laugh about later on and I’m just going to jolt some pointers down today and finish this tomorrow.

In line:

We’re not allowed to line up after 10am, I don’t know why or you’ll get arrested. We had other things to do before we went to the Starland ballroom in Sayreville NJ so it was the time 2 or 3pm when we arrived there and the line was long already, however it really didn’t bother me much. Abby and I, we came together decided we’ll just push our way thought the front like we always do and we successfully manage to get what we want.

In my own little world, standing there in line feels likes 2 hours just passed but in reality only 10 minutes just went by, so the time went really slow for me that time.

a little story you don't have to read. VVV
The funny thing was, the sun was hitting my face while I was in line and I kept squinting my eyes a lot. I forgot to bring my sunglasses so I turned my back around from the sun but I was wearing shorts that day and I totally forgot about that, so 2-3 hours later my legs and thighs started to burn and I touched it, of course it was burning hot so I turned around to see what was going on with my legs and it was really red, sunburn, I knew I’m going to have major discoloration, dark on the back, light on the front. It was unbelievable.

Inside the venue, before TH came out:

They start to let people in around 7pm and once we got in the venue there was somewhat a lot of people inside already so we searched for a spot that has right amount of crowd. My cousin and I were between Tom and Bill side. We waited a little longer to fill in the place until there were enough people to explain why we’re ‘pushing’ ......

It took me and my cousin a great amount of force, and a lot to energy to get to where we really want to be. We ended up 4th row in the front, which was a great spot; I have to tell you that. But we were so burned out once we got there. Of course the closer you get to the stage the harder and pressed together you are. I couldn’t even move my hands and my boobs felt it was going to explode because I was pressed against the person in front of me XD

There were more than 2,000 people there I heard, they overflowed the venue which really sucks, all they care is about the money. The people behind us were trying to steal our spot literally getting to the front but we really didn’t let that happen, although we have to pay a painful outcome to that. Seriously, I really don’t know how to express what happened to me yesterday, we were pressed to each other it was disgusting because our body heat start to exchange and you start to sweat. It felt like I was press forcefully so as to break up into a pulpy mass. There was so much shoving and pushing and the concert didn’t even start yet.

Then all of a sudden David Jost, Tokio Hotel stupid manager came out on stage 2 times! And start taking pictures of the crowd with a huge smile on his face. Dude, can’t he see how we’re sufferings at that moment?! And people were pushing even harder, it felt like my ribs were starting to crush and puncture my lungs, then eventually me dieing, and I’m not ready for that yet.

After that, when Everyone was inside the venue the crowd got worsens, everyone in the back just wanted to be in the front so they shoved us people in the front towards the stage and it hurt soo bad. I knew at that moment by the time TH comes out it's going to be 5 times the hell. Other people began moaning and groaning lol even I did also. They pulled out a lot of girls in the front already, I felt bad because Tokio Hotel didn't come out yet. I was freaking out if I’m going to be the next one to be pulled out because I was ready to pass out.

My friend who waited 1am for the show was way in the front row and there was this bar in front of her, then all of a sudden she fainted, and people wouldn’t make way so she could get some fresh air so my other friend who was with her has to carry her out and start pushing people and I saw them two right in front of me stirring away then I started crying because I felt so bad, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, she worked really hard to get that spot.

Tokio Hotel came out:

Abby and I was separated I didn’t know where she was somewhere in the mob. When TH came out I couldn’t take it any longer. Almost everyone was singing along and their hot breath was hitting on me and it was actually tough to breathe. People in the back were jumping and all of us in the front were just standing there trying to get a hold of our self. I knew this was going to happen but I didn't know it was going to be this dreadful. My shirt was drenched with sweat, it was gross. Then I lost my left shoe when the show begain, so everyone was just stomping on my foot!

After a minute or two, after Bill started singing his first song, in some way, my mind just went blank for second or two. Maybe because I was out of oxygen and I was really dehydrated. This show was out my expectance, it just went terribly wrong.

My legs were drained out it felt like I had no control of them. Then I started crying because I didn’t like the situation I’m in at that point, I just wanted to be pulled out there, so when I start taken in what’s happening around me I moved my way through the back so all that pushing in the beginning was worthless.

I moved around 20-25 rows back or when I start to take in some cool air or the crowd was less intense. But even thou I’m far way from Tokio Hotel I had fun after I start to get my energy or strength back. In the backside, it was much calmer and no one was stepping on my foot; I liked it at that moment. I didn't care if I was in back I just wanted to have fun and be a harebrained. I sang couple of songs and just mumbled the words to the ones I'm not familiar with.
I pretty much loved it in back.

After the show:

Before 5 minutes after the show ended I found Abby also in the back, I was shocked because I thought she stayed in the front. She told me that she couldn’t handle it either and it was too much for her. So I really wasn’t the only one who felt it also. Me and her just had our fun together for 5 minutes and started bawling our eyes out because it was the ending and we didn’t want it to end and the time went really fast.

I told her I have to go back in there and look for my shoe after everyone was gone, and then she started laughing which I expected from her lol

THE END

Ps. I found my shoe by the rail and it only took me 5 minutes to find it!

Pss. I lost 4 pounds :D

bwahah